and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
