spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
