Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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