I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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