Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
two words...techno handjob
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
