Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Non-Jews are for practice
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
