she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
