found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize