remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
