it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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