My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize