He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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