Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
