fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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