May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
