is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
