I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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