Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
