I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
