So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
