you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
