Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
