Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
