I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
