Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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