I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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