i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize