i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The convent might be a nice break from real life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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