You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
