dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
