a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
