Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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