i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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