I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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