I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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