Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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