At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
