i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
