About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
