So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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