we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
