you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
