its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize