i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
