i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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