I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
