Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
