Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
