ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
