you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize