we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
