Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I died a long time ago.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
handjob tips. give me some.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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