I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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