So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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