I CAN MOONWALK!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize