JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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