I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
