girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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