I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
