pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize