oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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