The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
