Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
