I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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