I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
