oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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