he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
