I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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