Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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