once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
