we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
