I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
