she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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