there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
