He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
