Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
